A Day In My Life

On a More pleasant Note:)

It's Monday, the sun is shining and it promises to be beautiful out today.  Only shadowed by our meeting with our "lawyer" this morning, and a Social Security Meeting this afternoon.

BUT, We had a really nice day yesterday. I worked on putting my new ARTstudio together, IT IS A MESS!  But I know if I keep plugging away at it it will be a wonderful space to work in.

Nate and Scott spent time outside doing little things for me.  Scott mostly directed and Nate did, but they work well together and I love seeing that Nate likes to "landscape" and help with the outdoor decor.

Last night Lauren, Mario, Nate, Scott and I enjoyed Pigs In A Blanket, corn on the cob and steak fries, And later Strawberry Shortcake!  Everyone has to have something different though...Lauren has tofu pups in a blanket...I have tofu pus in a blanket with cheddar cheese, Nate has cheddar cheese in a blanket...Mario had hot dogs in a blanket and Scott had hotdogs with cheese in a blanket! LOL

We watched ONCE UPON A TIME and ARMY WIVES.

I have to say this moon has been beautiful the last few nights...BUT I don't really have a picture to show you, I took some last night, but I am not sure if they came out as I haven't looked at them.

I am off to finish getting ready for the day!

Happy Monday...

Dancingly, Denise

Bend Over...you've been screwed...

Sorry for the rude...crass title, BUT the more our family goes through this the angrier I get and this morning I realized that the best way to get this out, and maybe get rid of the anger that is eating me up and is simply not healthy is to write about it.

I am NOT a political person...I am not an activist...I am simply Denise, a mom, wife,dancer,artist,tutu maker...etc.  But I am an angry person. I have never found myself to be so angry as the last NINE months.  That is right folks...it has been nine months snce the day Scott (my husband) came home and said the mill dr tod him he couldn't go back to work for a little bit, that he needed to rest his injuries.

You've heard it from me before...on that day, we truly thought he would be back to work in a few days/weeks. Nine months later, and the surgeon says...he will never work again.  My husband has turned from an active, work all the time, never rest sort of guy...to a little old man.  We watch him TRY to stay up and moving all day everyday. Last night he woke me up THREE times moaning and turning trying to get comfortable.  He doesn't like to go very far cuz the pain is so bad. He asked the same questions over and over again...but denies that he has (medicine and pain). Work was his everything. As our daughter said once "you know he isn't faking because he has always wanted to be at work more than at home"...sigh.

Now, nine months later, they have finally granted him Worker's Comp.  Everyone stop shouting yippee and clapping, because honestly...it is even harder now.  Let's give some for instance...

*We are going to get a weekly paycheck again.  We are grateful for that.

*That paycheck brings us a PINPRICK above poverty level.  We had finally asked for help for heating oil and food a couple of months ago...now we will make about 100.00 too much.

*Of course if I quite my job at Bookstacks where I make approx. 100.00 a week...we could still get help.

*We don't roll that way...we work in this house, wether it be hard manual labor, or stay at home mom.  We work, we pay our way and we just finally learned to ask for help...and now...poof.

*Everyone thinks once workers comp kicks in you get a huge settlement of back pay.  HUH??? Nope...By the time the lawyer got his 30% off the top (of everything even the money we had to payback to short term disability, BCBS, etc), then Short term disability is paid back, then the one long term check we got gets paid back...we got NOTHING...oh I take that back it was about 500.00...but Long term wants that too. 

*So...our lawyer can pay his morgage...but us?  NOTHING after 9 months of struggling.

*I never said I didn't like lawyers...I don't lump them all into one category. heck I worked at the DA's office as a Victim/Witness advocate for several years...I even had a crush on a couple of them:)

*Now, Worker's Comp has kicked in getting the medical help he needs will be easier, right?  WRONG...last week alone he was denied PAIN MANAGEMENT (the only thing that has been helping) until such time that ANOTHER MRI can be done.  AND I went to the pharmacy to get his perscription and they couldn't give it to me as WC hadn't approved it.  The same med he had been taking for months.

Someone said I should write a book about this when it is all done...BUT I don't think anyone would believe it!

Now, I watch as my husband walks bent over, takes lots of naps, doesn't sleep well at night and continues EVERYDAY to be on the phone trying to advocate for himself and us.

We have a meeting with our "lawyer" tomorrow. I have alot of questions for him... here's the other thing...everyone says to find another lawyer...BUT in our search we found that they all were basically going to do the same thing...and take the 30% and a fee ontop of that..etc. 

Where is the justice in all of this?

remember people...don't tell me it is the SYSTEM.  The system is made up of PEOPLE...it is the people, and I can guarantee none of them who are making these laws have ever walked in Scott's shoes.

My comments are shut off on my blog...not because I don't want to hear them, but because I had been getting a whole bunch of SPAM.  You can still comment, but it is approved by me, before it is posted.

I will tell you, If you truly support this "system" then you need not comment...I probably won't post it:) LOL

Thanks for listening!

Denise

Life and other stuff...

Good Saturday morning!

So my kids are off on new adventures... Nate is in NYC with the High School Music department.

And Lauren is getting settled into her new house AND new Spa.  That is right folks, she  and Mario are now the proud owners of the Waterfron Day Spa!  We spent all of last week painting, cleaning, and organizing the existing spa and making it uniquely hers.  They opened back up for business this past tuesday and things have been going well.  I even sat in as receptionist a couple of times this week.  She and Mario are having an open house on April 26th...so I created some invites for her...

Nate had another music performance last Thursday for Arts night and I was able to get a picture of him playing the trumpet and the bass!

He really amazes me with his music!

And his silliness...we have "Cat in the Hood"  He has us all laughing so hard some days!

and ofcourse Easter was in the mix too!  We had a visit from the Easter Bunny...he brought me jelly beans and cards...and sweet goodies for the kids and Scott.  We spent the day over at Scott's Brother and wifes house and She put on a lovely meal!  Why do I eat so much?  What was nice is that one of her sisters took pictures of Ruth (my mother in law) and others...sop I got in on the action and snapped a couple.

THis is Ruth and the boys that were there... Bruce, Scott, Barry and Nate

and then Ruth and the grand kids that were there: Lindsay, Lauren, Katelyn and Nate

So, no heavy duty thoughts today.  I have a bunch and I am getting ready to share them with you.  This rollercoaster ride we have been on the last 8 months has taken it's toll and I have decided that I am going to share a lot of it here.  I figure if it helps even one person I will feel great.  I am going to name the series "Bend over...you've been screwed." LOL  Can you tell I am at my wits end?  Ah well... I have some packages to get ready to send out and I need to get ready for work at Bookstacks!

I leave you with one of my most popular sellers this Easter Season...the bunny dress:

Happy Day!

Dancingly, Denise

I KNEW it was gonna happen...

But it hasn't made the transition any easier...and lets face it it has only been two days!  My little Lauren moved out this weekend:

This is what she left behind:)

It doesn't even look like she moved out:) (Ofcourse I have been piling stuff a bit this morning it usually is pretty neat:) This is 20 years of life...and this morning I thought I would tackle a little piece of it.  Several text and a phone call later she said "Why are you in such a hurry to get rid of everything".  If only she knew...sigh.

Dear Lauren...I am in NO hurry to get rid of anything...I spent your childhood making sure when this day came you would be a strong young woman and ready for life.  I FORGOT to prepare myself.  Aw I am doing OKAY...but I am in no hurry.  Heck I shut your door this morning so we wouldn't disturb you...and 20 minutes later rememembered you weren't here!  I love you.  MOM

Here's the thing...I NEED to do this. Lauren's room is going to become my dedicated work space.  I am going to move my ART room into her room...from a dark den to a bright pink room!  Why? 

* Corny as it sounds...I will be close to Lauren!

* This room overlooks the garden Scott and Nate created for me last year!

* It has two windows with bright lighting!

* It is pink

* I believe I will be able to keep it semi organized because the space is larger.

* In moving my space I will be going through and getting rid of Sooooooo much stuff in my ART space that I just don't use.

* It will create a space for my business

* BUT mostly I will be close to Lauren in this Pink space...

I feel a slight twinge of guilt cuz honestly I am not trying to move her out...BUT I am ready for this change...

Dancingly, Denise

Changes...

So here I am again...many days later and still not writing much on my blog.

Where do I start?  How do I tell my blogging friends, that no matter how grateful I am and how blessed I feel...Life still sometimes stinks!  Feeling sorry for myself? NOPE...I have no time for it.

Life has changed so much from a year ago.  Seven months into Scott's injury and we still have few answers on the workers comp issue.  We do know he needs surgery on his neck.  We also know it should be done soon.  And we know that the powers that be are not okaying the surgery through workers comp.

I know that I no longer am EVER alone in our house.  That the worry of empty nest syndrom is still there, but with Scott not working he is always here:)  I miss having a bit of alone time in the house, but I am very careful about what I "wish for" these days.

I wonder WHY all this has happened to us...and why all at once.  I wonder why each day I wake up and say..."okay today is going to be good" and withing hours WHAM  another phone call...another bill problem...more pain for Scott...you get the drift.

I know that my house feels like a "soul sucker" these days. I don't want to be here. I have ofcourse let it become a disaster...it is out of control with all my business (tutu making stuff) and not tidy because I am always gone...or too tired to lift a finger. (One of my latest tutu dress:)

I know that my little girl (20 years old) is getting ready to move out at the end of the month...and that makes me sad...and happy (for her) all at once.

I feel blessed that I have two kids who are mature and are handeling the changes in our house the best they can. With dignity, maturity and kindness.

I know that we have had to ask for help for the first time ever...and help has come in many many ways. Asking for help is hard.

I know for every negative thing that happens...I try to come up with a positive. BUT sometimes that is tough. and then I think of these two...the lights of my life... it will get better:

I know we don't sleep well at night.

And I know that there are alot of people out there rooting for us to succeed. And THAT means the most to us. 

Thanks for listening...

Dancingly, Denise

Art room

We have discovered here at the Perkins-Fields house that my art room is simply not working out.  With my All Dressed Up business growing, I am afraid the "creative mess" has grown also...right into the dining room, livingroom and our bedroom.  YUP...I am admitting to it!  The great big mess clean up I did last spring is falling apart!

The big debate is wether we should TRY to clean out the existing art space and fit everything...including me, into it.  THIS is what it looked like on a really good day last year:

Now, once again I can not walk through it!

So back to the debate...do we leave it in the existing space, or do we take this existing space and use it as Scott's and my bedroom and make the master bedroom the Art room?

The master bedroom is larger, BUT our clothes and bureaus would have to stay in it as there isn't room in the art area.

I would be more accountable to clean up as we have to walk through the master bedroom to get to the bathroom.

The existing art room is MUCH warmer...our bedroom is the coldest room in the house and frankly it is uncomfortable in the winter.

Regardless of what we do I have to get rid of a great deal of STUFF.  I am much more focused on the All Dressed Up business, and so I need to part with the primitive craft making stuff I have.  I am still a scrapbooker, but my focus is getting pictures into scrapbooks now...rather than creating all kinds of home decor, rubberstamping and such.  I can part with alot of scrapping/rubberstamping stuff because of this!

The debate goes on, I am afraid the bedroom is not a bigger space since we would have to keep the clothing and such in there.  I am on the fence about the move.  Scott is "Let's Do It!". Nate thinks it's a dumb idea. And Lauren?  I am not sure she has weighed in as her focus is on getting ready to move out of the nest I have created for her for 20 years, and into her own nest!

What should I do?

Dancingly, Denise

It's Been Busy!

Seems as though since I wrote that last post, life has gone at warp speed! 

Sunday Scott and I went with Lauren and Mario house/apartment looking.  Today they heard that they will be renting the house that they hoped for.  They will be renting half this house...it has a great deal of history behind it and I will share it when I get my hands on it!

I am happy for them...I am sad for me.  I love having my girl in the house, but I do understand there comes a time when they need to fly!  She is a lucky kid to know that she is always welcome here, and we are lucky to know that she wanted to stay close by us:)

Scott had his MRI today.  We have no results yet, ofcourse... But we will and then we will continue to move forward for him and his health.  Nate loaded the MRI disc onto the computer and showed us the pictures...his comments:  ..."This is his brain, I think" "and this is his head and his back" Hmmmm he could be a dr with all that knowledge:) Just sayin' Nate!

Me?  I have so many creative ideas in my head it is about ready to bust!  Unfortuneatly my energy is low due to some fibromyalgia flares happening right now.  It is frustrating, but I do know it will get a bit better in a few days.  I have dealt with daily pain since 1998, it's been worse...it's been better...so I am appreciative of it that it is not as severe as it was years ago (though anyone with fibromyalgia knows, it never goes completely away:() 

I am off to get some rest!  Have a great Thursday tomorrow!

Thought I would share one of my new items that I will be carrying in my etsy shop www.alldressedupcouture.etsy.com

Dancingly, Denise

Dear Blog...

I must say I really stink at blogging these days...uhm MONTHS!

I have been thinking about my blog alot lately and trying to figure out what to do, and I simply have not come up with a solution.  I love blogging.  I started out blogging many years ago to share my life with people I knew, and to keep an online diary of sorts.  The kids were younger, life was busy and there was alot to share. 

In 2008, when my Dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in february and then passed away in October, I used my blog to write about the time I spent with him and my stepmother.  The funny things that happened, the scary things, and the sad.. . The way I felt, the way the kids felt, how Scott was doing

Up until 2008, I had kept my blog pretty light, just sharing the good that happened in life.  The daily yeehaws!

After 2008 I went back to sharing that way.  I even split my blog in two when my business of dress-up clothes for kids started taking off last year so that I wasn't always clogging this blog up with business stuff.

Enter August 2011.  I get a job at the local bookstore and decide to take it.  It is only going to be a few hours a week and Scott and I figure I can put that money away towards Nate's college.  A few days later, Scott comes home from the Drs and tells me he can not go back to work due to his neck and back.  Honestly, I think we both thought it would be a week, two at the most and he would be back at work and all would be well. I mean I am the one with the health issues, but this injury had been plaguing him for years and the pain was getting worse and worse.

Fast forward to now...almost 6 months later and he still is out of work.  Life has been a daily work of how will we pay bills, how do we keep the roof over our head, should we request assistance...and more than that the daily pain that Scott is in has taken its tole on all of us.

My point? My parents taught me if I didn't have anything good to say don't say anything at all.  Life is not AWFUL, good things happen, but the stress of Scott's injury, my health issues and such have made it hard to find the energy to write about the good things.

My dilemna?  Do I continue my blog?  Heck I am not even sure anyone reads it anymore...the only comments I get are from SPAMMERS trying to help me get a bigger...you know... or looking for a date, honey I don't have the energy to date.  The spam has gotten so bad that Ihave put comments on moderation, not that anyone knows that cuz if you did comment it would show up soon after.

I am not sure what purpose my blog is right now.  Writing things down has always helped me think things through, but still I am at a loss to know what to say most days.  I mean, I know people don't want to read all about the crappy stuff, but it is part of  life:)  So, where do I go from here?  Well, if you read through as far as here, maybe my blog isn't such a bad idea...maybe just maybe writing about the not so good is okay every now and then? 

As I was writing this I thought, well I could see if I could muster up the energy to share the good things that are happening when they happen? BUT I want my writing to be authentic too...do you see my quandry?  At this point though I find myself just wandering and rambeling, so I am going to close for now and hope I get some answers in my head to all of this.  I KNOW it isn't brain surgery, but it is important to me...

Dancingly, Denise

One Line a Day...

One of my PROJECTS for the year is to continue keeping my journal that i started after reading this book:

It has a completely different take on the daily "gratitude" list and it truly changed my life and way of thinking last year.  Plus it has been great documentation of the stuff...good and bad... that has gone on since I was diagnosed with barrett's Esophagus, and Scott was left out of work due to this injury. BUT I wanted a different "look" at life and this "One Line A Day" book, I think is going to work!

The idea is each page has a day on it...for example January 23. And then it has FIVE spaces

 You add the year 2012 in the top space and write your little tiny bit about the day into it and then move on to the next page. What I soooooo like about this, is as I go to use it next year on January 23 I will be able to read what I was doing a year ago...or what the weather was like etc.

I think my DAD would have loved this as a weather record to be able to look back on. For me it will just be the everyday mundane things that happen. I think this is a reachable PROJECT and a helpful one in so many ways. There is alot going on in our lives right now, and I think it is important to keep a record of it.

Have a great Monday!

Dancingly, Denise

Projects...

In keeping with my word for the new year PROJECTs...I did two projects in the last couple of days that I feel great about.  One was simply taking down and packing up all the Christmas decorations.  If you read past year blog entries you will see that sometimes this doesn't occur until...oh...say FEBRUARY or MARCH!  SO I am very happy that everything is packed away.

The other thing I did was to go through my books and put a couple of bags of books together to take to the bookstore for used book credit.  I have been wanting to do this for about a year and finally did it the other morning...I have some more books to take in but this was a great start!

We have had a rough start to our New Year...one thing I can't share as it isn't completely mine to share, but it has caused pain withing our little house.  The other thing is we had to rush our poor little 13 year old Snuggles to the vets yesterday as he was bleeding profusely from his right nostril and his left ear.

The good news is he is okay...here is what I just wrote on Facebook:

 " I just went and got our little Snugs. As far as they can tell the bleeding in the ear is due to the vestibular problems he has and is probably connected to the seizures...etc. He could have a tumor...but it would take thousands of dollars of testing. NOW THE BLEEDING FROM THE NOSE???? It appears as though our little guy has been snorting organic plant matter...yup you read that right...his nos...tril was stuffed with what appears to be grass, grass seed, and other plant matter...UHM grass of the LEGAL kind btw:) They aren't sure how much or what he has up there (nostrils are so tiny to see into) BUT we will just watch for continued bleeding... Can you believe it? Snorting grass... His little brother sniffed his but and then went on about his business like he hadn't been traumatized by the disapearance of him..."

So our little family is right for today:)

I am goping to go work on a couple of Super Hero Cape orders.  Please visit my other blog to see what new items I have been making!

www.dancinglydenise.typepad.com/mepursenalities

Dancingly, Denise